mood: groovin'
A couple of months ago, I had Skyler almost convinced that I can change the weather. I told him I could make a storm, and that in the event I didn't succeed at a full blown thunderstorm, I could apparently inspire a car collision that resulted in our power going out for a few seconds.
"HOW?!?" he asked with big eyes, too logical to believe me, too under the influence of Mommy not to wonder a little.
"Well, every time I set the time on the answering machine, the power goes out within no less than 3 days. It NEVER fails."
"Come on, Mom," said with rolling eyes.
"Ok, so perhaps I don't really cause the weather to change, but it really never fails that the power goes out within 3 days of my finally stopping the flashing 'CL' on the machine. It NEVER fails. Weird, huh?"
"Mom, you're silly."
Later on in a phone conversation with his Gran, I heard Skyler tell her, "Mom controls the weather, hee hee."
How about Mom is the weather? Listening to a podcast off Bluetruth a few months ago, I heard David Deida declare that women are as logically and easily predictable to men as the weather. Sometimes you can tell what's coming, and sometimes whamo: a tsunami out of no where. It's never out of no where to us. There's always a front forming over the mountains or a storm brewing near the coastline, but to those not privy to the brain workings of the complex, it's like an Atlanta summer day: One minute it's sunny, the next minute there is a flash flood complete with flickering electricity (indoors and out).
Leonard Shlain proposes that the crazy destructiveness of patriarchy stems from men's fear of nature. It's not a big leap to look at how desperately the masculine need for power manifests as a desire to control nature. The Michael Crightons of the world drone on endlessly, stupidly, and in vain about the existence or non existence of global warming, and I just want someone in power to notice that fewer and fewer of us can breathe easily out there.
Recently, the whole notion has made me wonder why the patriarchical mode of masculine thinking has us all headed toward an early grave or at least a half life, hell bent on controlling the uncontrollable often in utter denial of the consequences. Ye old serenity prayer comes to mind: God/dess, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. As a child, staring at a plaque of that prayer at my (fairy)godmother's house, I found it hysterically funny because it seemed so totally obvious. As a young adult, I often found it to be an immensely annoying reminder, and as a neither old nor young but firmly adult (on the outside anyway), I think of it and realize that more often than not, the courage to change what I can manifests as "leave me the f**k alone to pursue what I may."
With all my focus on dreams and fulfilling them lately, I have been keenly aware of the price we weather girls pay in aspiring and achieving our whirlwinds of creativity. A friend of mine, who has just watched her dreams go from doggedly making the impossible happen to having it go wildly, financially, artistically, successful on a grand scale, just signed her divorce papers a couple of weeks ago. Her now ex-husband didn't like how much time she was spending at work. A man, who achieves his dreams, usually has a woman behind him, taking care of his needs and frequently sacrificing her own for the greater good of his or their dreams, and then said man will often take pride in describing himself as 'self-made.' A woman, who achieves her dreams usually has at least one major partnership behind her and is often a solo parent. Only if she's extremely fortunate does she have a mate, who cheers her on and understands about long hours and late nights.
Of course, to the untrained ear, this will all sound like I'm complaining, when in fact, I'm just reporting it as I see it. Yes, it's a grand injustice, but on the other hand I've begun to wonder if it's even possible for me to be creative with anyone else pulling for my attention, and being creative is the thing that makes me most happy in life, whether it's the centering flow of painting or my ridiculously off the wall approach to parenting and homeschooling. Achieving my dreams is no substitute for an adult oriented we life. It IS my life.
My answering machine is blinking 'CL' just begging me to set its clock again, but I want to paint my fence and porch railing this weekend, and there's already rain in the forecast. There is immense euphoria in embracing my sunny tsunamic powers. On days with no distractions from the flow I'm able to share my talents with friends in need of soul food. What I'm doing when not blogging? Illuminating a newly single friend's dark moment with a little more light.
Fiery 'O'
Illuminated Calligraphy
Acrylic on Paper
©2006, V. Lansford
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